A quirky colleague of mine made an odd comment at work on Friday. He suggested that home improvement stores (we were actually talking about Lowe’s) were exasperating to him and that, in fact, he was far more comfortable in a place like Peshawar, Pakistan. I responded as follows. “I don’t see how Lowe’s can be exasperating. In fact, I can think of at least ten reasons why shopping in Lowe’s is better than being in Peshawar.
10) The dirtiest section of Lowe’s is cleaner than the cleanest section of Peshawar.
9) You can actually drink the water in Lowe’s without getting sick.
8) The public bathrooms in Lowe’s are free to use, the private bathrooms in Peshawar are free from sanitation.
7) You seldom have to say “What is your best price?” in a Lowe’s.
6) Forklifts coming at you in Lowe’s have signals, trucks coming at you in Peshawar have explosives.
5) You don’t have to marry into the plumbing section at Lowe’s in order to truly know what is going on there.
4) More than half the Lowe’s employees speak English and only a few speak Urdu or Pashto. In Peshawar, the opposite is true.
3) At Lowe’s, pipes, fertilizer and fuel cans are not used to make suicide vests, IEDs or explosives.
2) If you go out the back door of a Lowe’s you are in the garden center, if you go out a back door in Peshawar you are in big trouble.
1) You usually don’t need an armed escort to go to Lowe’s.”
Feel free to add reasons…